


Next time

by FreeShavocadoo



Category: HiGH&LOW (Movies), HiGH&LOW: the Story of S.W.O.R.D. (TV)
Genre: Implied Pairings, Psychotic pining, Unrequited Love, Unrequited obsession, Violent Thoughts, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15539637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeShavocadoo/pseuds/FreeShavocadoo
Summary: A disturbing insight into the thoughts of Kirinji regarding Nikaido.





	Next time

It was like every nerve ending was on fire, his fingers twitching and his foot only just stopping short of tapping furiously. It wouldn’t do him any good to attract attention to himself at the wrong time, after all. Not that he can feel anyone else’s eyes on his when he stares at Nikaido, pristine and perfect, always sat upright with his hands clasped neatly on the table.

 _His hands_. So elegant, so perfect. Not that there is an inch of Nikaido that Kirinji doesn’t think is worthy of all of his attention and praise, not that he’s seen all of him. He doesn’t think he needs to, though, even if he knows deep down he never will. Sometimes, just meeting eyes with him is enough to set ablaze Kirinji’s motivation to please him, rushing forward to declare himself for an activity he has no interest in just because he wants to prove himself. People like Noboru aren’t used to wanting, they are used to getting and it makes Kirinji’s vision blur to red, wondering why exactly Noboru is deserving of the world, whilst he is deserving of scorn and humiliation alone. It was bad enough, to be beaten and bruised within an inch of his life for his mistakes but seeing Nikaido’s fingers brush over Noboru’s hand is worse.

Being watched and stared at is not a foreign or unpleasant feeling by this point, he’d do anything to make Nikaido’s gaze linger for reasons other than contempt but sometimes people have to settle with what they are dealt in life. If the others laugh at him, so be it, they were equally snared in attempting to gain Iemura’s good graces. Kirinji wonders why it’s seen as pitiful when he seeks out validation from Nikaido when the men sitting at that table two times his age do the same thing, albeit with less enthusiasm. He doesn’t care what people think, really, there are few opinions in life that matter to Kirinji but at least he admits as much. _A family_ , Iemura says to Noboru, as though anyone seated around that table is disillusioned enough to think for two seconds that they wouldn’t be wiped off the face of the earth for disappointing Iemura more than once if he so wished. The only person that seemed to have been granted immunity from this was Nikaido himself.

His plan possibly could’ve worked, with the possibility that Nikaido would eventually have to rely on someone other than Iemura himself, at which point Kirinji would’ve been the only viable option. But then, Noboru swept in, his past in his hands and his heart on his fucking sleeve. Of course, the only shred of empathy Nikaido was capable of would be dealt out to someone so crippled by their past and other people’s love for them, as he had clearly suffered a similar fate himself. Kirinji had only known violence and suffering in his life, believing there were two options in life. To be the knife or the wound. In his mind, he was the knife. In other ways, he was the wound. There was never going to be a chance for him to heal and Nikaido kept twisting the knife further with every scathing glance and remark, as though by doing so he’s not motivating Kirinji to try harder in the process. Noboru was just one factor in many as to why Kirinji would never be enough for a man who took everything in his path for himself shamelessly, although Kirinji is convinced he was the final nail in the coffin.

“Please let me go.” Kirinji steps forward so suddenly it’s a miracle his feet stop him in time, all heads in the room turning to him at once. “I’ll bring down those kids with my strength.”

Nikaido’s face is hard, his eyebrow raised and his mouth set into a firm line. His eyes are swimming with their usual fury, Kirinji almost unable to look away from them, especially when Nikaido glares harder at him.

“Should we leave it to a young kid?” Iemura questions, looking relatively unconcerned by Kirinji’s enthusiasm, staring around the table. One nods, before the other has to open his God-forsaken mouth.

“Nikaido? What do you think?”

“Well, I think Noboru is the right person for the job.” Nikaido leans forward, his jaw twitching as a bemused smile lands on his face, clearly aware of the scrutiny he is currently under from some of the men around the table. Iemura’s eyes remain on Nikaido, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Kirinji wishes he could find an excuse to wrap his hands around Noboru’s throat until the life was choked out of him, at least then he could assure Nikaido that he was capable of _something_ even if he knows Nikaido would sacrifice ten of Kirinji for one of Noboru. Even still, the though placates him, knowing that Noboru will no doubt face difficulty in his attempts to silence his old friends. Kirinji just hopes that when he fucks up he does it colossally, then Nikaido will have to be the one to put him in his deserved place. He can barely jump out at Noboru fast enough when he accosts him in the corridor.

“Hey,” he growls, “how did you get on Nikaido-san’s side?”

Noboru barely even turns, Kirinji’s hand on the back of his neck, pulling, any attempt to stop himself from doing what he wants to do. From eliminating his competition.

“Sword is a heavy weight on you.” He lowers his voice, his gaze still intense. “Switch with me immediately.”

“I don’t think too much of it.” Noboru replies, not flinching when Kirinji lets out a noise of discontent, too comfortable with his level of protection. “You have a complaint with the jobs that the boss has decided, right?”

“Don’t joke with me.” Kirinji slaps his neck repeatedly, attempting to rid himself of the urge to knock Noboru onto the floor and kick him repeatedly, the way he had been kicked so many times before.

“Noboru.” Nikaido’s voice is quiet yet instantly, Kirinji stops, staring at where Nikaido stands near the corner, as Noboru bows his head and walks past Nikaido obediently. As though he has the right. Kirinji can barely hear the mocking tones of the other men, too intent on finding some way, any way to be in Nikaido’s good graces, Noboru be damned.

Later that night, he manages to time his walk down the corridor perfectly, Nikaido breezing down in the opposite direction. Seeing Nikaido head towards him like this always makes Kirinji nervous, even if he is excitable. When Nikaido’s disappointed gaze lands on him, he wilts a little before reminding himself that he’ll never be looked at differently if he gives up and gives in to the pressure and criticism.

“Kirinji.” His tone is laced with distaste, his expression more so. “Why do you insist upon embarrassing not only yourself but me also?”

“Nikaido-san-,” Kirinji attempts to explain himself, never one to know when to shut his mouth.

“Be quiet. For once in your life, shut up.” Nikaido exhales, his nostrils flaring and his frown deepening. “If you continue to act so foolishly, then I will treat you like a fool. Do you want to be treated like a fool?”

“No, Nikaido-san.” Kirinji replies, even though he is more than aware that he is already the fool.

“Good.” Nikaido’s finger brushes down the side of Kirinji’s cheek, the ghost of a touch, still enough to leave Kirinji leaning into the touch long after Nikaido’s hand moves away from him once more. “Then try harder next time.”

“Yes, Nikaido-san.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, a vague suggestion from @norishisahyuga that turned into this. IT'S MEANT TO BE CREEPY. It IS creepy. But I hope it's interesting to read, regardless.


End file.
